Nothing You Could Do Would Make Me Love You More

Nothing You Could Do Would Make Me Love You More

He’s typical first-born people pleaser, somewhat dependent on others for validation, self-disciplines – most often anyway. He’d always been a regulator, questioning permission to have the cake at parties because we’d had casual conversations about sweets in moderation and the difference between healthy foods and junk – his concerned reaction causing others to accuse me of overbearing rules or parenting style. He hangs on to words, maybe especially my words.

He wants to do well. He wants me to notice it. He gathers more than a fraction of his confidence and worth from others. With a heart of gold and keen sensitivity, the line between simply doing from your heart and going beyond that point, too tightly tied to one’s approval, is blurry.

Sister’s emotions have been all over the place lately – especially immediately after school if I present any reason for having to leave the house, and the period just before bedtime. She’s growing right out of her knee-rubbed polka dot leggings and beyond the boundaries of her ideas. She needs unstructured existence and the pace that home offers her. When she’s on Big Feelings Mountain, as it was labeled by one of my favorite early childhood educators, and I’m quietly breathing my way through the other side, he is often quick to jump in. He’ll offer her the dollar that she’s begging for at the store from his own wallet. He’ll fork over the object she’s fussing over that’s rightfully his – maybe the red chair he intended to sit on – to smooth over the situation while I’m intently sticking to my guns to teach a lesson. Peacemaking. Ironing wrinkles. Keenly attuned to the feelings of others, he picks up on the slightest of shifts in mood.

Our nighttime conversations change me. They’re as necessary and therapeutic for me as they are for him – breaking down the day, exhaling any damage, circling around intention for a new day to follow. I recently told him,

“Nothing you could do would make me love you more.”

He sat with the words for a minute.

I continued. I reminded him: I love you just the way you are. I know of your goodness like I know the pattern of the freckles on your face. It’s part of you. I love your heart whether it’s hurting or happy. I love your voice and the ways you use it to express your very own ideas. Standing up for yourself when the situation really warrants it is far more honorable than giving in to please someone. You are not responsible for another’s happiness, but the light of your authenticity will shine and radiate outward. Changing yourself for others will leave you hollow and invisible, but offering your genuine being is both necessary and powerful. Do good for the greater – not attached to one’s approval. I love you just as much through pride as I do through disappointment. As much as we are alike, we are different people with different ideas and purposes. We are to teach each other, not be each other.

I absorb the words spilling out of my mouth with as much sincerity as I deliver them. His footsteps are familiar to me.

“Nothing you could do would make me love you more.”

Undefinable and unwavering, my love for YOU is in stone.

*I’m testing my comfort zone and watering my dreams. Pursuing passion and building a future happens one, sometimes uncomfortable, step at a time. If you’ve connected with what you’ve read here or in the past, PLEASE sign up to receive new posts by adding your email address to the ‘subscribe’ box in the upper right side bar – and share this blog. Leave a comment notifying me (by March 3rd!) and I’ll add your name to a drawing for a vintage stamped spoon pendant from my handmade shop!

THANK YOU for you support… hug.

Comments

  1. Straight gospel right here, sister. Nothing shows me God’s love for me better than my love for my babes. Thanks for this bit of lovely today. XO

  2. I absolutely LOVE reading your words. I’m always brought right into your world with your descriptions.

  3. Wow. This reminds me so much of my oldest, my sweet and kind boy who always seems to go out of his way to make things okay for others. On more than one occasion I’ve picked him up from a birthday party where they ran out of loot bags and he willingly gave his up to the unhappy child who’d missed out. In various school situations he seems to be given the “short end of the stick” because the teachers know he will not complain. It used to worry me when he was younger, I thought he would be taken advantage of for his kindness and gentle nature. Now, as a teen, he is still one of the kindest people I know, but he also is respected and not taken advantage of. I tell you that just in case you may have similar worries. :)

    As usual, I love what you’ve written, Jessa. Loving our children as they are and having them understand that we do is so critical. Thanks for these beautiful words.

    XOXO

  4. Jessa- you have a way of putting things that really hits home with my relationships with my own children. I hope to use some of you ideas and intuitions and implement them as my kids continue to grow. Thank you for your insight!

  5. Your words are inspiring. My oldest is similar and I see echoes of myself in her. Thank you for this perspective!

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