A Life of Vines

I faced an uncomfortable change in tradition around a milestone celebration for a child. The label of uncomfortable waters the sentiment down immensely. Separation or divorce requires a constant shift – an unraveling and reweaving of the traditions that have become yours.

It was imperative that I remain busy and distracted in order to get through this phase, something that set me back chapters and unearthed hurts for a time. I went internal for a night, letting it all out, allowing the mourning to run its course – a necessary step in cleansing and moving forward. I refuse to stuff challenge and allow it to grow into unnecessary weight. The following day, I reached out to a friend that was moving and drove over to help. Her company comforts me and channeling energy into the positive creates momentum.

She set me to work at untangling the beautiful Morning Glory vines that spanned the length of the deck rail so that she could move them to her new home. A single Heavenly Blue bloom was showcased among the greens.

Weaving vines create an intricate network of life and structure, foundation for the growth that follows.

As I carefully unwound the tendrils grasping onto the rail for support and meaning, I began to think of this as a reflection of life. Our stories start with seed and each day that passes, each person that we share a path with, each season that transpires, and each experience we have the opportunity to endure is represented by an offshoot along our growing vine. It’s all there – the good, the bad, and the beautiful.

Unwinding the web that has been created doesn’t eliminate or remove any piece of the life that it contains. You can see the memory in the delicate green vine as it holds shape like a curl fresh off a hot iron.

The vines won’t thrive lying in a pile on the ground, removed from the space they knew so well. They must be stretched out gently and given a new support to navigate; new paths to weave and heights to climb. It requires relaxing the learned shape a bit – the memories, routines, placement, identity – and be willing to grow where it takes you from this day forward.

Your roots remain in tact, sturdy, even when you can’t see them and rely so heavily on the bloom for proof of life.

We cling to the familiar, the safe, the depth created in history. There is richness in the layers of time spent together.

It’s a shame that the invisible boundaries between families after separation gain such strength for so many. I want to erase those lines, rub them raw right off the paper. For many, it’s the inexperience in the situation, discomfort in facing emotional obstacles, and the fear of losing someone or appearing disloyal that prevents the open exchange.

Love beyond those lines.

Practicing the continuous exercise of acceptance, cultivating new rituals, traditions, and relationships, and rewriting the script you once had sketched in your mind is your pass to peace.

Redefining history a bit to focus on the beauty and experiences that were the result of a once-healthy partnership, more than the characters and specific details no longer present in my storyline, will serve me well.

I have a new trellis to climb. Grasping the bottom and peering up at the bareness can be daunting. Inch by inch, I’ll stretch and establish new anchors building upon the strength of past, awaiting future’s reveal.

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